Obama? McCain? Nope. Miller High Life For President

Who needs political platforms full of platitudes when you have the Miller High Life Guy stumping the Common Sense Platform? It's unclear whether or not a beer-fueled presidency is the answer to the country's ills but with our current president seemingly drunk and unable to navigate his way to his seat at the Olympics, things couldn't be much worse.

Miller High Life Dude for President!

Oh, and Drink Responsibly.

Cannibal Sushi! Unclaimed Twitter Handles! Olympics Ceremony Demystified! Lots and Lots of Boobies!

- A Wired journalist attributes the success of Weight Watchers to its RPG format. (You know, like EverQuest or Final Fantasy.)

- The pretty little girl who sang "Ode to the Motherland" for the Olympics opening ceremony was a pretty little mime. Reps said they wanted a flawless girl with a flawless voice; but one had the looks and another had the pipes so they mashed them up. "We must put our country's interests first." Riiiight.

- Seven in 10 companies on the FTSE 100 have unclaimed handles on Twitter. Companies are advised to lock that down before a hater (or an impersonator) does. (Via @benkunz.)

- It may not really be cannibal sushi, but the psychological effect can be just as fucked-up. (Via @TJCNYC.)

- Got more than a handful up top? Pull your shirt off and join the Wonderbra mosaic.

Warning! This Commercial May Not be Viewed After October 6

OK, whoa. Christopher Walken? In a commercial? For the Colorado Lottery? OK, not really, It's an impressionist but still. And this impressionist might be this commercial's only redeeming quality. With a juggling monkey and a giant on a pogo stick as the only other choices in this WAY TOO BUSY commercial for scratch tickets (yea, we had to watch a few times to see what the hell the commercial was for), we'll take a Walken impressionist anytime.

Created by Cactus, the best part if this spot is the disclaimer which reads, "Please note that this spot can only be promoted online through Oct. 6. Starting Oct. 7, this spot must be pulled from all websites, or responsible parties may be subject to talent usage fees. If you have any questions, please contact Cactus PR Director Ashley Boyden at 303-455-7545."

Those damn royalty fees!

Skittles Candy Feet Bring Ulterior Motives to Friendships

Some people are only your friends because they eventually hope to sleep with you. Others, because you're a doormat with a lot of money. And still others remain your chums because you grow Skittles on your feet. True story.

And you know how you can tell? Because after validating you, they will bend over and get their gnaw on. GROW THE RAINBOW! Taste the rainbow.

The above spot picks up from "Touch" and chocolate pinata man (CHOCOLATE THE RAINBOW! Taste the rainbow).

We're not sure what's going on chez Skittles but it's definitely not sanctionably sane. Also, we kinda want to live there. (Via AdFreak, via the Denver Egotist.)

Levi's Street Fighters Unbutton, Do Battle

Like suiting up for epic battle - or is it un-suiting, this new Levi's commercial evokes...no, that's too fancy a word...throttles an adrenaline-fueled, intense rush for an odd combination of street dancing/jumping/fighting/flying/floating. Prior to all this dancing/jumping/fighting/flying/floating, we get a cooing female intoning, If you undo the buttons, loosen the screws, shake off the ropes...baby...ain't nothin' gonna knock you done."

It's unclear how this sells jean but if, while viewing, you plug in your external speakers and turn the volume up really, really loud, it almost makes you want to run out and buy a pair of Levi's just so you, too, can float around like these "street playas."

At least it's an actual commercial instead of those stupid, fake videos.

Don't Worry, It's Not a Real Ad.

Probably inspired by the Eva Mendes nipple drama, Adrants reader Brian Guth sent us this billboard idea for the "Got Milk?" campaign.

The text: "You should know that milks [sic] nine essential nutrients make for one irresistible body!"

Before I saw the picture up-close, I thought it was a shot of flowing milk, which would have made for a neat foreground against the clouds in the sky. But nah, it's just another nipple.

10 Cane Run Extends Ad Conference Haze

Like a mashup of country club elitism and Rastafarian grooviness, these new Mother New York-created videos from 10 Cane Rum are delightfully intoxicating and elicit a blurry, drug-addled fogginess. After two days at an ad conference, these videos perfectly identify with the current mindset. And even if you haven't just survived an advertising conference, you'll love where these videos take you; to that serene Caribbean world where everyone is perfect looking and the run flows freely on the warm, sunny beach while the bothers of the real world slowly slip away. Can you feel it? Are you there? Are you running to the store right now to buy some 10 Cane rum?

Trolls Probed, Politics Ascend, Cuil Explores Sexuality

- The New York Times wrote a SEVEN PAGE STORY about /b/ and online trolls: people that make a satisfying career out of hurting your widdo feewings.

- Campaign.com decided voting is a superpower.

- Cuil turns quantum researchers into gay porn stars. Hur-raaaay.

- The Center for Public Integrity launched a new blog called Papertrail. It promises to be "the hard-hitting, investigative blog that Washington is missing." Also, there's poetry and music.

- The Gay List Daily is promoting the Details Mens Style Manual, which teaches you how to be a flawlessly-dressed man. If you're not a man, or are already quite flawless, learn how to market to one. And if you can do that too, then shucks, you must be God. In cashmere.

- Every heel and toe of Cole Haan's sassy new Air Donovan dress shoes has the power of many Michael Jordans behind it.

For a Shave So Close You'll Be Mistaken for a Nipple.

Not sure whether this ad for Bic razors actually ran. The tagline: "Incroyablement doux" ("Incredibly soft"). But compared to the bad-boys with five! blades (plus precision trimmer!), that plastic stick just looks incredibly dated.

Snickers Offends Again!

Oh noooo!! Snickers is in for it now! Wait until Bob Garfield sees these new ads from NoS/BBDO Poland. Oh the horror! Animals digitally tortured and forced to take on human qualities! The indignity! The misrepresentation! The gender bending! The insensitivity! Someone call PETA! Or the Coalition for the Eradication of Bestiality! Oh, the horror! It's just too much to take!