Shocker! All Press Release Quotes Are Fake

Not that we didn't all know this already but here, thanks to Gawker's ever transparent editorial staff, is proof positive, albeit embarrassingly for Hyperion who forgot to turn off "track changes" prior to sending its release, all press release quotes are fabricated and that no human being actually utters the wording we read every day in news articles pulled from releases.

Spider Crawling On Head Sells photo Services

As Flickr user dubitable points out, what sane marketer would assume a positive association between a spider crawling on one's head and quality digital photography services? Oh wait. Minolta would.

PETA Says Don't Free Parakeets

AdJab points out some of PETA's recent overbearing animal protection stupidity stating PETA registered a complaint over a Samsung X200 mobile phone ad in India which shows two kids letting a parakeet out of its cage. We'll give you a minute to utter your collective "Huh?" OK? Done wallowing in the obsessive meddlings of an uptight organization that think all animals should live in a posh Park Avenue Suite? Good. And now for the rest of the story. Oops, that's some other guy's line. Anyway, it seems you need some kind of permit to use parakeets in an ad. AdJab humorously solves the whole problem by suggesting creatives, in the future, just CGI the little guys in thus avoiding all manner of PETAmania.

Dad Gets Over Excited About Child's Christmas Gift

That's just so not the way to thrust readers into a Slate story about what gifts not to give. Or, maybe it is. After all, doing that to a puppy isn't exactly a nice gift to give now is it? Especially when your kid is watching. Courtesy Gawker.

Family Group Forces Retailers to Say 'Merry Christmas'

Oddly, the American Family Association thinks everyone in America is Christian and celebrates the Christmas holiday. Certainly the vast majority are and do and the recent politically correct shift from labeling everything formerly known as "Merry Christmas" to "Happy Holidays" may have gone too far but we're not sure we need an organization to force companies to say "Merry Christmas" in their marketing. But, unsurprisingly, in our overly issue-oriented world, there is.

The American Family Association has been boycotting stores such as Sears and Target for not including "Merry Christmas" in their signage and advertising. Apparently, the AFA is quite powerful. Both retailers have relented and added "Merry Christmas" to their messaging. We don't know what's more stupid; forcing a retailer to adhere to one particular religion over another or the politically correct insanity that got us here in the first place.

Sony Promotes PS2 Game With Worldwide Archaeological Find

In an elaborate marketing hoax, it appears the Sony PlayStation2 game Shadow of the Colossus is being promoted with sitings of giant, unexplained archaeological findings around the world. Three large, prehistoric entities have, reportedly, been found - one in India following the tsunami, one in the Sulu sea and one in Bam, Iran following an earthquake. There's even video news footage from the Indian finding to go along with the hoax.

Fueling the notion this is all just a big marketing ploy - albeit a grand and intriguing one - Joystig points out all this information appeared at the same time just this week, an anonymous tip pointed them out, there's the predictable blog (with a podcast) and two of the site's follow that tired, Geocities-like, "this site is so bad it has to be real" design strategy.

One has to admit, it is quite admirable the lengths to which a company with boatloads of money will go to get its products talked about. One also has to question the potential backlash of such an elaborate lie.

Million Dollar Homepage Concept Taken to Banner Ads

Having been relentless pummeled with "seriously, our approach is different" press releases, I guess we're just going to resign ourselves to riding this million dollar homepage trend-let to the bitter end. In yet another version of the I-can't-believe-I'm even-writing-about this topic, Will Barden has launched a company called Pixel Banner Ads which move the million dollar homepage concept from website to web banners. Yup, we're now going to see pixel banners all over the web. Pixel Banner Ads act as an intermediary between publishers and advertisers just like any other ad network by providing publishers connection with advertisers and an eighty percent share of ad revenue. Currently pixel ads are selling for $10 which gets an advertiser exposure across seven websites no one's ever heard of.

Super Buff Women Promote Super Buff Phones

OK, we have nothing against people doing all they can to stay in shaped but when women work out so freakishly they end up looking like, well, a female body builder, it's just kinda gross. Call us sexist but everyone's entitled to an opinion including Virgin Mobile UK which has launched Super Buff, a site promoting its "totally buff phones" with help from super buff women. It's all quite hilarious, though. Adland reveals the work was created by 12foot6 and Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R.

Virgin Mobile's Hot Box Fondling Angels Cause Complaints

As part of a promotion for its Hot Box cell phone, Virgin mobile Canada created some Christmas wrapping paper that shows angels kissing and fondling one another. Ottawa's Alan Dean wasn't too pleased when his 12 year-old daughter was handed some of the paper as part of a promotion following a screening of Harry Potter at the Famous Players Coliseum. Mr. Dean had no kind words for Virgin Mobile marketers telling the Ottawa Citizen, "Somebody had to have their head screwed on wrong to put out a promo like that at a family theater. Even though they said they wanted to hand it out to 18-year-olds, it doesn't matter. It shouldn't have been on the premises." Oddly, we agree. It's just a little sick.

Heavy Metal Band Created For Agency Holiday Card

Marina Dell Ray-based Ignited Minds wins the prize this year for first Holiday "card." The agency created a website for fictitious heavy metal band Karkis which includes a video, discussion boards, wallpaper, discography and all the other usual band site paraphanalia. It sure seems like a while lot of work an expense just to say Happy Holidays. If you choose to watch the video, be prepared to wait a very, very...uh...very long time for it to download.

The agency also placed an ad with the headline, "Karkis challenges every band in this paper to a knife fight," in LA Weekly promoting the site which you can see here.