Marketing Manager Has No Idea What Customers Want

Like the sudden impact of that MasterCard Priceless Blowjob ad, Ventura Foods Marketing Manager Christina Ong in an article about legal wranglings over the proper labeling of guacamole dip and the ingredients of the company's own recently acquired Dean's Zesty Guacamole said, "I have no idea what consumers expect." Hmm. Hope that one doesn't find a home on her resume.

Don't Just Say Go to Hell, Send Them There

We've finally been empowered to act on the command. At You Are Damned put the name of someone or something that sucks ass (like the England Cricket Team) right on the scratch-ridden walls of hell. And if you want to play both sides, grant redemption too. If you feel like it, anyway. We very rarely do.

After damning a few people we know and cherish we got a bunch of thank-you letters from Lucifer himself, inviting us to visit anytime. Our favourite line: "You don't know how happy I am to see this lousy S.O.B. What can I say, I'm all giddy."

So are we, L. So are we. Campaign by Mono in Minneapolis and EVB in San Francisco. - Contributed by Angela Natividad

Subservient Chicken...With a Dog!

Yes, you heard right. The Subservient Chicken make-me-do-things thing is back. This time its from Samsung and there's no chicken, no stripping virtual bartenders, no stripping store clerks, no asking Dr. Clark, no Interview with Ari, no Subservient Donald, no witty Family Guy characters, no VIrtual Stripper, no Subservient President or Subservient Blair, no subservient Christmas carolers and no Crystal. What's left? A dog. Yes, a playful St Bernard with a Samsung Q1 around its neck ready to answer your questions.

But forgt about all that. The YouTube video promoting the dog, the site and the Q1 is so weirdly funny, you won't even want to bother visiting the site.

Volvo C30 Campaign Wants Hate And Love

We don't know whether to love or hate this new Fuel London-created campaign for Volvo's C30 but that's the whole point. You'll see what we mean after you view the first spot. Well? Love it? Hate it? Do tell. The second spot is just plain weird. Each spot points to a Euro RSCG 4D Amsterdam-created Freewill website filled with all sorts of interactive games, widgets and more commercials

Pillows Drugged, Shows Pulled, Agencies Bought, Mullen Cooks

- Perhaps in yet another effort to convince people to choose a certain drug, their are now pillows branded to look like pills.

- Cynopisis reports, "CBS has pulled 3 LBS. from the schedule after just three airings. The show debuted with a modest 2.9 A18-49 rating, and its most recent airing pulled an even more modester 2.4 demo rating. Filling the time period for the time being - reruns."

- After years of negotiations. Omnicom has scooped up Amsterdam-based independent shop 180.

- For those who can't seem to acquire enough friends on MySpace or Facebook, John Brock tells us now there's Fake Your Space, a sit on which you can pay $.99 per month for each "hot friend" of your choice who will send you two comments each week to make you feel special.

- The famed Anastasia Goodstein of Ypulse will host a roundtable discussion on "What Youth Brands Can Learn From The Action Sports World" at the Ypulse Teen Media Mashup on December 5, 2006 in San Diego.

- This has nothing to do with advertising or does it? A clandestine promotion (not that they need it) for Grey's Anatomy?

- Oxfam America is looking for pro-bono pring and online media placement opportunities for its Unwrapped campaign. Interested parties can contact [email protected].

- If you want to see Mullen Creative director Edward Boces holding a giant cookie above his head, check out the agencies just-released recipe book from their famed, in-house kitchen.

- Apparently lumber can not be sold without the image of a hot woman peering out at you

Ballbra Purveys Yet Another Ball-Bearing Poultice

Yeah. It's a ballbra. Kind of like this thing but without the I-love-America motif, although it does have its own weird shit going on if you take a look at the testicular cancer self-test section, which may in fact be helpful after having some Japanese nut-crunching Doritos. - Contributed by Angela Natividad

Rolling Rock Wants You to Hate It's Beer Ape

In the "so horrifically bad it just might actually be good but not really" category is a recent campaign from Rolling Rock that consists of online, billboards and TV spots which urge people who hated a recent "beer ape" commercial - which never actually ran except for placement on YouTube - to email Rolling Rock's VP of marketing to complain. We saw the billboards but hadn't yet seen the video on YouTube which Adverlicious tipped us to. While the commercial itself is over-the-top stupid, 1,024,265 have viewed it and 791 people have commented on it. Like it or not, that's fairly decent play for any YouTube placement. The question, as always, is, will this foolery actually sell any beer?

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Flatulina Breaks Wind to Christmas Classics

Another gem for your novelty holiday CD collection. Riding the wave of a supposed lifelong struggle with uncontrollable flatulence, Flatulina puts on a Horatio Algier-style gameface and decides to lace Christmas classics with the distinct sound of farts.

There are plenty of people who make a living off the philosophy of cheap and easy. Bathroom humour epitomizes cheap and easy because somebody somewhere is always willing to laugh at a fart joke, so we have to give props to a chick willing to turn this into her contribution to the world at large. Yet another indication there's a divine calling out there for everybody. - Contributed by Angela Natividad

Manix Condoms Cause End of World

Not that you've ever had the premonition this guy did before buying condoms but this particular premonition, in the form of a 90 second ad for Manix condoms, clearly illustrates the "dangers" successful usage of condoms can cause. In Bulworth, Warren Beatty said, "If we all fucked each other, we'd eventually end up the same color." If Warren were in this Manix ad, he might say, "If we all fucked each other with condoms, we might end the world as we know it."

Dwarfs, Pigs, Dancing Indian Sell Awesome Canned Ham Phone

If the general public ever thought those of us in the advertising business were just a bunch of wanna-be-cool hipsters who drink too much Starbucks, play too much foosball and have strange tastes in music, these two new commercials created by Mother NY and directed by The Perlorian Brothers would confirm that line of thinking. In this spot for the Virgin Mobile Slice, a phone packaged to look like a can of sliced ham, nothing is normal. Nothing at all. And, perhaps, that's a very good thing.