Think Sex with a Condom Blows? Try Swimming in One

Chinese condom maker Elasun is using the Beijing Olympics to push a naughty set of sports-themed ads over the 'net. Neat tagline: "Sports make you health." Line of fortune cookies in the works?

More here. But if you don't click, at least look at the basketball one, because it's, oh, priceless.

OMG! You Have Dork Cling.

It's Dork Dodge! In this RPG game by JC Penney, you're a college girl trying to leave the dorm, where a hot but insecure love interest is waiting. Your job: to emotionally castrate the losers in your way. (Attacking them with items from Penney's Dorm Life line is usually a safe bet.) "Losers" labeled by Penney's include -- but are not limited to -- an incest-friendly hick, a Swedish exchange student, a bodybuilder and a goth.

Don't be too gentle or they'll follow you (dork cling!), thereby destroying your chances of a tasty hook-up forever. In that case, your best option is to ask a friend for help. (Oddly, the friends are as douchey as the men.) And don't dally too long or Mister Bouquet-of-Flowers out there will ditch yo' ass. (He's on a very tight schedule.)

But aww, it's the tech era, and some of these squares are cute. My favourite pick-up line: "Did you know 'NERD' stands for Never-Ending Rendezvous ... with Destiny? Look it up."

Put together by EVB San Francisco. If for some odd reason you're now into the Penney's Dorm Life line, see Facebook page. I just love me a furry pink picture frame.

It's a Docudrama About People Like You!

MTV and Nokia are partnering for a documentary about the 2008 Cannes Young Lion Film Competition. 26 teams from all over the world will be followed; the four that get top views on YouTube will be featured in the documentary.

Get a glimpse of Team USA. Then do yourself a favour and close the window at 1:00 or so, because 6:20 is a loooooong time unless you're friends with these guys, or their moms.

What ruined it for me was that feeble Spartans leotard action at the beginning. "Hey, guys, come on. I didn't agree to wear this, even though I'm wearing it. You cheated. I win. Grumble grumble."

Snogging Hits States, Spam Snazzes Up, Panda Pushes Biscuits, Knife Ads Fail to Stick

- See trailer for Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, a movie guaranteed to alter the tween lexicon for at least six weeks: mutti! Vati! Snogging! Nunga-nungas! Facsimile of a fax of a scam! Saliva-ville. Hits US theatres this October.

- And speaking of a whole lotta words that mean nothin', Spam makes like Weekly World News.

- Plaid wraps up the weekend on the West Coast. "Wash down the bitter taste of capitalism" -- with Coke and pizza?

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Classic Ad Gimmicks Used to Help Save Energy

This is sorta nifty. Motivated by the assumption that youth adopt ideals based on how they're presented, Grey/Madrid launched Compra esta actitude ("Buy this attitude") on behalf of the Madrid City Council.

The effort tells people to save energy by twisting up gimmicks we're all familiar with. Ads were inspired by shampoo and perfume ads, and even those totally improbable amateur online videos.

Creative is divided by medium: Internet, TV, Radio, Grafica. Run a barcode scanner over each to see the work. The image at left is from the shampoo spoof, where a woman with lustrous hair swings it in the direction of a lightswitch and flips it off. And here's the online video they're pushing: "The light pong masters," inspired in part by stuff like "Guy catches glasses with face" for Ray Ban. Expect some heavily edited, totally improbable ping pong action. Yeah, baby, yeah.

9,580 Paper Dolls Sacrificed to Keep Converse Cool

Anomaly/NY worked with Santogold, Julian Casablancas and Pharrell Williams of NERD to produce My Drive Thru, a paper doll music video for Converse. It's effortlessly dope, more so because Pharrell is the coolest fucking celebrity in the entire world. Oh, and the other two are also pretty awesome.

This is part and parcel of Converse's "Connectivity" campaign, which rocked well from Day 1. Scoop My Drive Thru up free on the Converse website, which was revamped to reinforce the celebu-paper doll thing. (Also very cool.) Click "unfold" for screen takeover -- minimal laggage -- then download the track.

Cute Lepers Cure Terminal Boredom. Or Not

Expectations are high when a press release promises, "Cute Lepers will Cure Your 'Terminal Boredom' This Summer!" But there are no lepers, cute or otherwise. It's just some pop band on tour.

You Know You Wanna Be a Super Masher

Serena Software launched a Facebook super group to promote its business Mashup Composer. Check out the row of enterprise-chic Super Mashers. No hipsters here, except maybe for Mascara Man in far left beside Token Polo Guy. But hey, bet you can't tell which one ISN'T REAL.

"Before long, you'll be seeing just how easy it is to @#$% it (or mash it) with Serena Software."

What the hell's "@#$%"? Is that cog-talk for "mash"?

Got a Penny? Go Buy Glue

To show how the penny is shortchanged in the value hierarchy, Office Max launched a campaign called "Power to the Penny." Toting a hidden camera, comedian Matt McCarthy pisses people off all over New York City by trying to buy stuff, like steak dinners, with nothing but bags full of copper coinage.

My favourite scene from the above video:

Chef (who pops outta nowhere): "How about if you come in here and you order the steak, and I take the steak, and I put it in the blender, and I give you the steak in a milkshake. Is that a steak?"

Long pause.

Matt McCarthy: "Why don't you go back in the kitchen, because you're not helping the situation."

I wish I had a penny for every time daddy said that to mommy.

More videos at PennyPranks. Each one ends with a clip-happy visual orgy of everything you can buy at Office Max for a penny. Crayons! Yardsticks! Glue! It's diorama time.

Cactus Prick Gets Girl Knocked Up, 50 Cent Sues Taco Bell, Kanye West Champions Healthy Self-Image

- The Social Path drew our attention to this perplexing Oasis ad where a girl gets knocked up by a cactus -- not for its own sake, but to justify half-assed Myspace campaigns.

- 50 Cent is upset with Taco Bell. Yeah well, we are too.

- Support your Presidential contender of choice with a handy-dandy kippah. Goes with everything.

- This is kind of neat. By the way, save water.

- Just what you need: a Samsung Instinct miniseries.

- Kanye West helps improve self-esteem. With vodka. But you probably already know that trick, don't you?

- Philippe Starck and BBC Two are doing an Apprentice-style series called School of Design. "Vous etes fired." Heh.