If Anyone Can Compel You to Go Satellite, It's Annie Wilkes

"Watching anything but DIRECTV? Now, that would be painful," croons the Misery antagonist with a trademark psychotic expression.

Brrr. Oddly though, we'd pick an Annie revival over a sad dancing Colonel or a necromanced Orville Redenbacher.

The ad was put together by Deutsch, LA.

Jack Makes A Sandwich, Simmons Tape A Stunt

- Freakishly weird Jack in the Box has a new website, Make Jack a Sandwich, which AdFreak's David Kiefaber says, "revels in the kind of exaggerated 1970s sleaze I've only seen a thousand times before."

- Copyranter tells us that Gene Simmons tape was just a publicity stunt. Hmm. We never saw that coming.

- Make the Logo Bigger tells us this MasterCard should have run during the 80th Academy Awards as opposed to the dreck that did.

- It's One Show Week!! Yes. From May 5-9, The One Club will host its One Show, One Show Interactive and One Show Design events

Obama Girl Gets Sweaty For Certain Dri Deodorant

WTF? It seems playing Obama Girl isn't the only thing the lovely Amber Lee Ettinger does. Although it's clear she's a much better Obama Girl than a deodorant spokesmodel. Damn, that was the most unsexy spots we've ever see, Amber Lee, please, stick to Obama Girl. Oh wait, you mean Certain Dri pays you? Alright, we suppose that's OK then.

Justin Timberlake Sucked Into Givinchey Spokesmodel Position

Maybe Justin Timberlake is the new ad babe. He hooked up with Pepsi for that Pepsi commercial that sucked. Now, he's hooked up with Parfums Givenchy to be the brands spokesmodel for an un-named fragrance to be launched in August. The dude's a singer, actor, clothing designer and now a cologne salesman.

And let's not forget. He's the "wardrobe malfunction" guy that, as a result, has given us a steady stream of old rockers every year for the Super Bowl. Which, perhaps, is not a bad thing. After all, if they're still doing it at age 60, they must at least be sorta good.

Hayden's Hottness Hawks Candies's Cuteness

Kelly Clarkson did it. Jenny McCarthy did it. Ashlee Simpson did it. Hilary Duff did it. Fergie did it. As have many others. Now it's Hayden Panettiere's turn. So after a few uptight GQ readers got angry after the magazine dolled up sweet little Hayden in frilly pink do-me wear and pimped her out as the latest object of desire, Candie's has dolled her up in pink frilly Candie-wear for its new Kohl's ad campaign. Sweet.

Hayden seems to like the gig, saying, "I am excited to be working with Candie's. Their campaigns are fun and playful and always feature the hottest stars. I am honored to be the new Candie's 'girl' and I look forward to working with them on lots of exciting projects."

Chevrolet Grabs Jonas Brothers to Hype Green Cars to Disney Set

If you're a fan of Disney-manufactured pop acts then you'll have a soft spot for this partnership between Chevrolet, Disney and the Jonas Brothers, Disney's male version of Miley Cyrus' Hannah Montana. Yes, that's Billy Ray Cyrus' daughter. Yesterday at Walt Disney Studios, the Jonas Brothers performed in front of 150 LA area students at a "Chevy Rocks the Future" concert. The effort aims to make Chevrolet's "green" cars cool in the eyes of the bubble gum set. Um, yum?

Joss Tastes the Flake, Goes into Ecstasies, for Cadbury

For the record, we've never felt a compulsion to watch Joss Stone wrap her lips around a chocolate shaft. But don't mind us, Cadbury (you saucy chocolate peddlers, you!). We just work here.

This ad for Cadbury's Flake is part of an effort to "reference the old adverts but bring a new feel to them," said a company rep to The Sunday Mirror.

The "feel" we got hovers somewhere between a puberty reel and a '50s girl gang smut film.

Indiana Jones Cranks Up With Teaser Trailer

Bruce Willis did it. Sylvester Stallone did it...twice. And, as we've all been anticipating, Harrison Ford will attempt it May 22. Check into a nursing home? No way! These "old" dudes are still making films and people are still watching them. OK, so maybe not as many people as back in the day but still.

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Converse and Dr. J? No Way. (Okay, YES Way.)

For some brands, deep association with a celebrity isn't enough. Air Jordans and Jordan, and Simmons and Phat Farm, only come around once in a ... whenever.

Watch closely while Converse tries hard to invite a comparison between itself and Dr. J. (The firm responsible: Anomaly.) At best, you'll wish out loud for a return to the glory days of b-ball. At worst, you'll feel a little fragmented.

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Taco Bell, Sports Illustrated Toss Aspiring Photographers a Bone

Want to photograph models like Daniella Sarahyba for a living? Go for it -- just not for money -- courtesy of Taco Bell and Sports Illustrated. Pick the location and plan her moves based on a series of options. She'll say things like, "Oh, are you the new photographer?" and play the spoilsport when it's too windy.

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