Nivea Brings Tanning Oil to Church

"The sun goes wherever you go" Nivea says -- not too loudly, either -- in "Church," a tanning oil ad.

No need for sunkissed girls or an exaggerated product demo; a festive beach towel, draped over a skeletal pew in a sunless gray church, does the job fine. It's even a little wity: all that hallowed sobriety, broken by beach gear.

Good stuff by TBWA/Frederick, Chile.

Saks Arms New Ads with Soviet Kitsch

Sensing a recession isn't exactly an enabler for Jimmy Choos and Prada handbags, Saks Fifth Avenue takes on the marketing style of Communism ... and Stolichnaya.

The high-end department store tapped Shepard Fairey, architect of the familiar Obama Hope poster, to infuse worker's morale into its Spring 2009 "Want It!" campaign.

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New England Aquarium Invites You to See Turtles ... EVERYWHERE.

The New England Aquarium's "See Turtles" campaign is an appealing exception to the no-pun rule. (Also, we like an effort that doubles as justification to take hallucinogens.)

Variants include Droplet, Water Tower and Rooftop, which will appear in magazines and newspapers.

Online banner ads -- which are also cute, if a little Clip-Arty -- include Snowman, Cocoa and Car. (Forgive us if these links break; they're hosted by Mullen.) These are slightly different from their print counterparts: in them, ordinary things take the shape of turtles over time, taking advantage of the 'net's ability to seize roving eyes. Frankly, the print stuff is better.

Work by Mullen/Wenham, MA. There's also radio material, which we didn't get to hear.

Madonna Spreads Wide for Marc Jacobs and LV

Jeremy Dante -- a human repository of unbearably fashionable things -- sent us more imagery from the ongoing Madonna for Marc Jacobs/Louis Vuitton campaign.

These shots are decidedly more burlesque and pushy than the last ones, which pushed the aesthetic envelope but still maintained a semblance of cool grace and timeless decadence, yada-yada.

Hear me out. Madonna rocks hard and all, but she's past the point where we're willing to see her deep-throat lollies or -- heaven forbid! -- give us a youthfully woozy crotch shot in her Diamond Dog undyroos.

Diggin' this naughty spread of her draped over the chairs, though. It's so Virgin meets the New Wave.

VW's 'Surrealism' Touts Absurdly Low Gas Consumption!

Volkswagen looks to the Surrealists to promote its Polo BlueMotion's "absurdly low consumption." A Magritte-inspired print is at left; here's another in the style of Dali.

Fuel plays a big part in both pieces, and I like how neither ad outrightly says it's inspired by this or that artist. People that know will get a nice cuddly feeling in their tummies (or maybe rant and rave about the flagrant commercialism of art). And people that don't can still ravish the visuals with their eyes.

Work by DDB/Berlin.

Deleye Fashion Educates Belgians on Multiple Uses of Socks

In a world where bigger is better, size matters...and socks have multiple uses, Belgian retailer Deleye Fashion is out with an ad that majestically embraces the world's obsession with size.

Created by DDB Belgium, the ad is a nod to the world's collective inferiority complex but let's not be negative here. Is there really anything wrong with striving to be bigger, better, stronger and more intelligent? OK, that last one is stretching it a bit. After all, this is an underwear ad. How intelligent can it possibly be?

Canada Finds Another Home For Its Surplus of Guns

And here we thought Canadians were such a caring, giving people. So it comes with great sadness and shock to find the nation one of the least philanthropic in the world providing just 0.28 percent of it gross national income to countries in need.

To rectify that imbalance, War Child Canada is out with a new campaign, Help Child Soldiers, which encourages Canadians to donate guns and supplies to the estimated 300,000 across the globe who have been drafted into various regimes and armed forces.

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Stove Top Stuffing Keeps Bus Patrons Toasty

There are few things more soothing than warm stuffing out of the gutted sternum of a turkey. And with help from JCDecaux, this soothingest of comfort food is warming bus patrons at 10 bus shelters in Chicago.

The Stove Top ads -- radiant with warmth -- feature a heaping bowl of stuffing, tossed and tasty looking and beckoning hungry passengers home.

"Cold, provided by winter," the ad reads. "Warmth, provided by us. It's a good night for Stove Top."

Find stuffing-hot bus shelters in the Chi through December. Reps will also be handing out (steaming?) samples. Work by DraftFCB.

Marc Jacobs and Madonna Raunch Up an Old Scene

Two relics of the old guard try something new in these print ads for Marc Jacobs/Louis Vuitton, featuring Madonna. Variant.

There's a lot going on -- those stringy shoes, chunky witch doctor bangles and a hair skirt, of all bloody things -- but like we said to our friend Jeremy Dante (who passed the ads over), Madonna's career is a defiant chin-jut to an industry that swallows young divas, warps their minds and spits them out as lesser animals.

She's an edgy classic, imperfect, unbridled but timeless -- and that's a niche LV can do something with.

Every Can of Pepsi Max Drives an Anxious Calorie to Suicide

These ads are causing a bit of a stink. Variants -- with titles generously supplied by me -- include The Bullet or the Noose? and Puddles of Inferno!.

Are they really that bad?

According to Meredith Corp., 56% of women worry more about weight than disease, so you know there's enough hate surrounding muffin-tops to happily fuel many millions of sordid calorie suicides.

And come on. Who didn't enjoy the Garbage Pail Kids? Or Sin City? Or, hell, the Road Runner cartoons?

That was pure sadism. And what did you do? Shovel in another mouthful of Froot-Loops, that's what.