Face Rubbing Ass Clad in Red Speedo Somehow Sells Gum

According to one Adrants reader, this commercial for Trident Spearmint Watermelon Splash is "plaguing" Canada. We can certainly see why. It's not a stretch to assume opera goers - or anyone for that matter - would take too kindly to a guy strolling into the auditorium wearing nothing but a red Speedo and rubbing his ass in people's faces as he made his way to his seat. Somehow this is supposed to sell gum. We're at a loss to see how.

Krispy Kreme, Busty Jogger Have Holes to Fill

"Looks like we've both got a whole that could use some filling." Couple that statement with imagery of a lecherous donut and busty jogger drinking from a fountain and you've got yourself copy which passes as acceptable these days. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to fill holes whenever one has the chance, imagery like this in a donut ad is just plain creepy. Especially if you're watching the ad while sitting next to anyone other than your very, very significant other. Well, we guess Krispy Kreme is doing all they can to keep it up. Their business, that is.

Leaked: SC Johnson to Introduce New Ziploc Product

Not that anyone cares about the latest and greatest plastic wrap - except, of course for freakish fetishists - but an attendee at a recent focus group at which product names were explored for a new Ziploc product leaked a few of the considered names to Copyranter. As usual, they are all meaningless using stupid additive names like Duron, Fortex, DuraMax, Freshlastic, Durapreme, Reliashield which convey absolutely nothing about the product which is, supposedly, just a better, more sticky plastic wrap.

Want Vagina with that Bagel? Hit Boise

Oh, ick. Adfreak points us over to this ad for the River City Bagel and Bakery in Boise, Idaho. Apparently they wanted to get a little clever and tie their product to the Vagina Monologues, which is playing in the area.

We're not prudes about anatomy but the thought of quim over our next lox shmear brings us close to queasy.

Red Campaign Tanks Bringing in Just $18 Million

Oops. That feel good Red campaign isn't working out after all. It seems it took up to an estimated $100 million to bring in $18 million for the charity effort. Not exactly the best ROI for a campaign of any kind. Groups such as Buy Less Crap which we wrote about here have derided the campaign claiming it's stupid to make people spend money to buy stuff when they could just give directly to charity far more efficiently. It's true. While many businesses may need a middle man to function properly, charity is most certainly not one of them.

The star studded campaign which was fronted by Steven Spielberg, Bono, Christy Turlingon, Chris Rock, Oprah Winfrey and others seems to have been a flop. Global Fund Private Sector Head Rajesh Anandan defended the campaign telling Advertising Age, "Red has done as much as we could have hoped for in the short time it has been up and running. The launch cost of this kind of campaign is going to be hugely front loaded. It's a very costly exercise."

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Microsoft Wakes Slumbering New Yorkers, Residents Lash Out

Feel like showcasing your marketing savvy with a public guerilla campaign? Post-Boston, be careful - The People are sensitive of late.

At least that's what Microsoft's discovering with its recent ground-floor attempt to push the Zune.

A blast of music from the tricked-out Zune-mobile sparked sleep-deprived residents in Lower East Side Manhattan, not to drop their iPods, but to seek restitution on a scathing site called Wake Up Microsoft.

To start with, they sarcastically thank the big blue company for their "noise terrorism." Noise terrorism? Is that anything like Lite-Brite terrorism? While Microsoft deserves a wrist-slap for thinking they could start a spontaneous block party, this certainly isn't the only shockwave of moody distaste they've inadvertently triggered lately.

Update: Cliczune's post on the Zune SUV includes the comment of at least one user who wouldn't mind being jarred out of sleep at 3 AM by the system's impressive clarity.

Disney Makes Better Use of Scarlett Johansson Than Reebok

Now if ad*itive and Reebok had chosen, oh, say, Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan instead of Scarlett Johansson for the company's new Scarlett Hearts apparel and footwear campaign which carries the headline, "I Am More Than A Cover Story," the ad might have carried more weight. While Scarlett is certainly cover story material, it's not like she captures the mind of America like some of the more famous starlets we have.

She's much better suited to the new Disney World campaign that just broke in GQ and other mags in which she appears as Cinderella along with Beyonce Knwles as Alice, Lyle Lovett as the March Hare, Oliver Platt as the Mad Hatter and David Beckham as Prince Philip.

Friendly's Restaurant Offers Free Happy Ending

In the pantheon of unintended hilarious road signage comes this image from Adrants reader Andy Malis who passed by a Maryland Friendly's on his way to work and simply had to turn around and capture the image for us. Family friendly Friendly's is now providing its patrons free sexual satisfaction as long as they buy five new sandwiches. We think this sign will be coming down soon.

College Co-Eds Appropriate in Da Club, in a Hallway

Sinless, who by now we suspect spends an unusual amount of time trolling The Fame Game, shares a very white rendition of 50 Cent's In Da Club. Bad rapping and emo glasses aside, we couldn't stop staring at the tassle swinging helplessly from one side of the headliner's hoodie. We are easily mesmerized by little details like that.

"White men can't rap..." our Fame Game-loving friend observes almost wistfully, and even if that's so, they can sure trumpet and clap hands in a cramped space quite decently. When we do our song-and-dance, we normally need a wide berth.

BlackBerry Personifies Personal Assistant with Weird Mascot

We thought the Microsoft Butterfly was kind of nifty. The guy in the BlackBerry suit? Not so much. Giant plush costumes are so deceptive in their frozen state of cheer and rarely work outside Chuck E Cheese and college football fields, where they can be ridiculed at leisure by their own peers.

The requisite BlackBerry Mascot MySpace, as if we care.