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Advertising Age's Digital Marketing Conference Reported Twitter-Style Like we said yesterday, if you're not at Advertising Age's Digital Marketing Conference, you can get tidbits of it here following David Armano's Twitter feed. Right now (9:45AM) Donny Deutsch is interviewing Jeff Zucker. Some tidbits: Lynx L.A.S.S. Squad Administer Happy Ending in Shower Well it's about time. The Lynx/Axe babes are back, this time from Australia in the form of the Lynx Anti-Soap Squad or LASS. Witty. As with all Lynx/Axe efforts, the work panders to the typical high school kid who thinks about sex 24/7...in other words, the entire male race. Framed like a COPS episode, two Lynx girls, dressed in police uniforms you wish actual police officers (female ones, that is) wore all the time prowl for guys who use regular bar soap as if it were a crime. What Ho! Your Breath Smells Like Rhino Poo. This is only marginally disgusting. Also, it's a promotion for "Test Your Breath," a campaign for Scope by the charmers at Dentsu and Crush. Test your toxicity -- er, breath -- at the website. Here's our big question: why does the guy in the elevator know what rhino shit smells like? Even even if somebody's breath did smell like rhino shit, our heads wouldn't immediately go there because we lack the appropriate frame of reference. We'd be like, "Ooh. Stale bacon mixed with carcass of month-old monkey fetus." Because you know, we deal with that stuff in everyday life. Heavens, There's a Man in Those Murky Waters. This is neat. During the Wilderness Fair in Stockholm, the Miami Guerrilla Agency used removable paint to spray images of divers on the ground in the style of road signs around the area. Above the divers is an arrow pointing to the nearest body of water; below is the web address www.borjadyka.nu (www.startdiving.now). See a variation. The promotion is for the Swedish Diving Association's "Diving Village," a Wilderness Fair attraction. Hope nobody got the wrong idea and jumped instead. Sometimes a Sponsorship is Just a Sponsorship. In this article, CNBC writer Darren Rovell uses convoluted logic to ask what consumers, in their childlike naivete, are supposed to extract from relationships between athletes and the brands that sponsor them. (And their trainers. And their trainers' websites.) Here's the puzzle the column poses: say you're a kid, and you want to be the next LaDainian Tomlinson. Tomlinson is part of Nike's SPARQ training program. He also wears Nikes on the field. But Todd Durkin, Tomlinson's trainer, has a website sponsored by Under Armour. Assuming you're wack enough to think this will fundamentally alter your destiny, what do you BUY? Nike trainers or Under Armour's? The author's so stuck on this that he's even taking a poll. (Who would you follow: athlete or trainer?) We'd laugh this whole thing off, because it really is ridiculous, but then we got to thinking. Do sponsored associations between people and products really mean something? Georgi Vodka Wants Ashley Dupre's Ass For 'Butt Girl' Campaign Oh for fuck's sake! So a Governor had sex with a prostitute. Sex. He had sex. He didn't murder anyone, blow up a building or otherwise harm another person (as far as our limited knowledge of the man allows). He had sex. OK, he paid for it but it was still sex. Anyway, he's not Governor any more and has been endlessly shamed for his wrong doing. Rightly so, as many believe. If you don't know who we're talking about yet, you've been on another planet. So leave it to a marketer to capitalize on the downfall of another by...offering money to place the image of Ashley Dupre/Youmans/DiPietro, the call girl that caused the downfall of the aforementioned Governor Eliot Spitzer, on the backs of buses to promote vodka. Yes, Georgi vodka wants to pay Dupre a low six figure sum to become the vodka brand's "butt girl." George Bush, Al Pacino, Donald Trump Hawk DISH Network These are really, really bad! No, wait, these are really, really good! No wait....damn it, we're conflicted about this new DISH Network work sent to us from Fueld (yes, that's spelled correctly) Films. In the three commercials, comedian Frank Caliendo takes on the personas of Al Pacino, Donald Trump and George Bush. He does a fairly good job but we're not sure these commercials sold us anything. McDonald's Happy Meals Go Digital! In conjunction with Fuel Industries, McDonald's Europe is launching digital "toys" for Happy Meals through April and May. The "Fairies and Dragons" universe (for girls and boys, respectively) can be accessed via CD-ROMs inside old-school McD's Happy Meals. The campaign and associated characters are original creations by Fuel (for mommies who get moody about rampant product placement). Future of Advertising Predicted by Leo Burnett Futurist Leo Burnett London Futures Editor Ben Hourahine thinks he has the answers to the future of advertising. Some of what he says makes sense. Some just reinforces the notion advertising will accost anything it can get its hand on. There are no easy answers but at least it's being talked about. One thing is clear. Marketers and advertisers will never again have the power they once had. There will never again be another M*A*S*H TV moment. Fragmentation will continue to the point of individualized advertising. Advertising, itself, won't really be advertising at all. It will be an information repository people can refer to when they are interested in a particular brand or product. It's a Mobile Barbeque! How Very American Tabasco's Chipotle Sauce, Weber Grill Creations seasonings, Royal Oak charcoal and Chinet tableware have joined forces with the Kansas City Barbeque Society to launch the first-ever Great American BBQ Tour. The sample- and recipe-packed bus will start its slow journey in Rio Rancho, New Mexico during the Pork 'n' Brew BBQ Cookoff from March 28-29. It'll visit 25 cities before coming to a stop at the Jack Daniels World Championship Invitational in Lynchburg, TN (October 24-25). We are hungry for rib of animal drowning in spicy sauce. And maybe apple pie with Kraft Singles on top. 
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