Because Really, Toilet Paper's Overrated

Greenpeace doesn't like Cottonnelle's "Be Kind to Your Behind" campaign.

Big shocker.

What do you think the Greenpeace mooners wipe with? We're gonna take a chance and guess fig leaves, which have a natural quilted feel. Plus, they make your hands smell nice.

This Was Positioned as an Ego Trip.

This is agency Northlich's creative department. They are selling overpriced shirts for charity.

You might think they look unhappy because that's just the hipster way, but some dude from Northlich claims their EVPCD forced them to model his designs. (Did he invent the asterisk?) And each shirt supports a charity he allegedly handpicked.

"Lame," the guy said.

Yeah. This is.

A Well-Intended Rip-Off's Still a Rip-Off, Frankly

Check out this "Awareness Test" for Transport of London. The goal is to demonstrate that a driver can't avoid obstacles s/he doesn't expect to see. For people who've never seen the video before, it probably comes across as a neat way to deliver the message.

The problem is, there are plenty of people who have already seen something similar -- likely this video, which was put together in 1999 by Professor Daniel Simons of the University of Illinois.

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'But Sir, This Ain't Tobacco. It's Big League Chew.'

This anti-tobacco effort (via The Media Artist) appeared on gas station dispensers in Wyoming. Above a bottle dripping sludge, a bright sign reads, "You're not gonna sip this. But you'll kiss where it came from?" Campaign URL: WY.Quitnet.com.

We didn't get it at first, mainly because when we think "tobacco" we think "smoking," and we spent a brainfucked eight minutes pondering whether there's a connection between cigarette toxins and fossil fuel. And then IT HIT US.

That sludge is SPITTOON FODDER from CHEWING TOBACCO. The office resounded in a collective "...Ohhh" as we all got it at the same time.

Chewing tobacco. Big problem in Wyoming? We thought only cowboys and baseball players did that. (Remember the gum?) Now we'll have something to ponder through Easter weekend as we smoke away the pain of being too old to participate in egg hunting.

Aww, Don't Cry. You're Murdering Trees.

Greenpeace has built a spoof site to take on Kleenex, which, since hankies went out of mode, dominates the wipe-your-eyes and blow-your-nose market.

The "Kleer-cut" site is a barbed duplicate of Kleenex's current "Let it Out" campaign, which encourages people to hit soggy emotional highs and head for the nearest floral tissue box. "Tell calm, cool and collected to TAKE A HIKE," it coaxes. "It's time to LAUGH until you CRY. SCREAM until you spit. Show your heart and show some tears."

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'Bold Moves' Bullshit Begets "Ford. Drive One."

If there was ever a tagline shift from the nebulously ethereal do the blunt, "buy our shit now," it would be this new tagline from Ford, "Ford. Drive One." Is it possible a marketer has finally realized the purpose of advertising is to get people to buy stuff? Sadly, no. The new tagline was developed in meeting with car dealers who don't give a crap about how Cannes-worthy an ad is as long as it gets people into the dealership and cars off the lot. Who knew a great tagline could come from car dealers, purveyors of fine communication such as this disaster.

Ford CEO Alan Mulally put Group VP of Marketing Jim Farley, recently scooped from Toyota, on the job last fall and we're thinking the first stipulation he added to his employment contract was the ability to dump the "Bold Moves" tagline.

Of course, time will tell whether or not what appears to be a good tagline actually becomes one. If not, they can Farley could always go a bit further and institute "Ford. Buy One."

Love? THAT'S Your Big Solution?!

"Jump," featuring the furry friendly Gaspar, is an attempt by Dentsu Canada to push Vespa out of the "pseudo-bike" realm and into ... well ... hrm.

Come on, Dentsu. Can't you make Vespa sexy without inviting a comparison to Blades of Glory? Oh, and the whole "Vespa: Built for love!" thing doesn't make it any easier for Vespa owners to scoot proudly down the driveway with their chins up. Well, unless they're in Europe.

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Echo Factory Seeks Brilliant Designers for Skater Community

Following an online portfolio review, 20 designers were shipped blank skate decks from Land of Plenty and asked to decorate them for Career Day '08, which happens at Alex Cheung's Gallery in LA's Chinatown tonight. Designers can present portfolios and decorated decks to major skate firms in the flesh.

Career Day '08, which seeks to position design students in the skate industry, was organized by the Echo Factory. Visit the Career Day site to find out just how badly they need good talent.

Cottonelle Wants to Be Kind to Your Behind

To retain its position as the quilted ass-polisher of choice, Cottonelle has launched a campaign called "Be Kind to Your Behind."

See the TV spot and associated outdoor print.

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Orbitz Caters to Lazy Vacationers Planners With 'My Ideal Beach'

We like things simple. We hate a lot of choice. We want someone else to do all the work. We're lazy like that so we were pleased with the amazing simplicity of this new Orbitz beach vacation planner, My Ideal Beach. In just three clicks, your perfect locale is presented with price and details. What's not to love? It's much better than trolling Priceline. That's just way, way too much work.