Cold Call Carl Sells Twitter to the Masses

Because why master Twitter yourself when you could pay a consultant $400 per hour?

Via Jetpacks.

You, Yes You, Could Be Contributing to Cannibalism

Consider this a warning to those that like to overpromise.

Thanks to Jon N. for the image, which originally came from Voidstate, a very good blog written by a man with triplets.

Obama Clinton, ObamaClinton, ObaClintman...

For people that are bored with the power struggle between the charismatic black man and the woman who'll pursue her ambition to the ends of our patience, some relief is circulating the 'net today:

- Why choose if you can combine? (via MarketingProfs)
- Obama, Clinton fight it out jedi-style

And in other (actual) news...

- Obama and McCain have begun seeking VPs. (Well, that's what the story suggests. Obama, for the record, said, "I am not commenting on vice presidential matters, because I have not won this nomination.")

- McCain cuts ties with the Hitler pastor.

- Clinton beats McCain ... at a vodka competition. Four years ago.

American Apparel's Dov Charney Awarded Dildo of the Year

Last week, American Apparel CEO Dov Charney was awarded Retailer of the Year. Some witty prankster wasted no time spoofing the announcement with a poster showing Charney holding an object very different from an award. Animal's Copyranter took the photo.

'What's This? Oh. It's a Body, Bloated in the Sun'

Somewhere in the bowels of my memory is a man with a 'fro, a soothing voice and a paintbrush. As a kid I watched him on TV, mesmerized as he effortlessly whispered magic onto his canvas.

Right about now, though, I'm wondering whether those gripping pastures and endless telephone lines were not actually thinly-veiled and mildly traumatic messages about ethnic cleansing.

I like how at the end he gets all sinister and hisses, "We're almost done here, aren't we? No. It's never done."

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Wrath of Cannes Lives to See its Second Year

Cannes season is back, and along for the ride come self-promotional horrors like the Wrath of Cannes. The pros: no fee for entry, no professional floor (you can be an INTERN! or a GED HOLDER!). The cons: that Grand Coney is one ugly statue, and "the venue" is interchangeable with "the freakshow."

The awards show takes place June 19 on Coney Island. The Wrath of Cannes is brought to you by Woods Witt Dealy & Sons, which hopes to turn some of this nonsense into agency clout.

John Mayer Gets Bold, Bus Shelters Get A/C, Man Pees to Save Earth

- As the rest of the world goes green, Dubai sets its sights on air-conditioned bus shelters. Groovy Green is not amused.

- Chuck McCarthy has produced a PSA that encourages men to save water by wizzing in the sink. Beware of hazardous ass action. McCarthy was also responsible for this York Peppermint Patty spoof.

- I realize this Turkcell spot is over a year old, but you have to appreciate that charming kid with the Turkcell "noid" antennae.

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Because It's Obligatory for Moms to Be Like, 'No, Don't Get Me Anything'

I read somewhere that Mother's Day is more important to mothers than any other holiday. And while we may suspect that's true, moms are constantly trying to downplay it -- which is a dirty trick you should never fall for.

Seriously. I fell for the "It's just a day, don't bother" speech two years ago. The next time I saw my mother, she tossed my gift aside and snarled, "I didn't want your presents. I wanted your presence." It was clear she'd been practicing that line for days.

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Vespa Wheatpasted, fauxreel Projects, GOP Promotes Panic Drug, and Republican Goes Obama Way

- Check out the projections on the fauxreel website. Not quite sure what they're all about, but watching people alter billboards at high speed can easily kill about four minutes. Without regrets.

- Dentsu Canada's got fauxreel plastering Vespa Squareheads -- Millennials with headlights and mirrored antennae, essentially -- all over Canada.

- MoveOn has finally tapped a winner for its Obama in 30 Seconds campaign. It lacks the flair of the will.i.am mashup, and it's obvious the video was picked because the subject is a converted Republican. Also, MoveOn wants $200,000 from you to help air it.

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Commercial Parodies Get Spotlight

Ooo, ooo, ooo! Who doesn't love a good parody ad? Well, Nerve's collected 50 of them and put them all together in a list of The 50 Greatest Commercial Parodies of All Time. Most are From Saturday Night live but there are a few from SCTV, Dave Chappelle and other places.

There are goodies such as Eddie Murphy's I Wanna be a Ho, Phil Hartman's Colon Blow and Gilda Radner's Jewess Jeans. Check them all out here and then let us know which one is your favorite.