For the Art-Loving Lecher Who Has Everything

Bored with postcards? T-shirt tired? Next trip to Paris, bring home a swathe of Mona Lisa condoms. They'll lend Renaissance mystique to your next one-nighter.

My Snowboard is the Centerfold.

Four Playboy playmates hit the slopes -- in the buff! -- on a set of limited-edition Burton "Love" snowboards.

Moms with kids are predictably unhappy -- and, just as predictably, a youngish guy with Alex Bogusky hair goes on the record with a nonchalant "They're just naked bodies."

Evian Diversifies Superfluous Product Line

Each year Evian releases a designer bottle to highlight its commitment to "chic sophistication." 2007's splurge of choice was by Christian Lacroix; now meet Jean Paul Gaultier's Pret-a-Porter 2009 edition. Get it tout seule or in big-ass boxes of 12 for just $118. It's a steal!

Can't afford it? No worries. To maximize the likelihood of cashflow from every frivolous spender alive, Evian's got a slew of other appetite-slicking vessels that will make dehydrated friends writhe with envy, even while smirking under their Botox.

They that brought you $10 facial spray (now sponsor-friendly!) and bottled water for children also debuted the regal Palace bottle, complete with its own metal pourer and coaster. (Comes in packs of 12. Coaster, pourer and self-esteem sold separately.)

Ask.com: Dolla Make You Holla!, Political A-Listers, Blogging sans Byline, Gyro's Self-Aggrandizing Promotional Oeuvre

- A handful of rich-ass celebrities use reverse psychology to cajole MySpace users into voting. What, does Jennifer Aniston not do it for you? Maybe Leonardo DiCaprio's poverty-ridden excuse for a blog will.

- The wife of David Warthen, founder of Ask.com, is facing tax evasion charges on money she made while working as a hooker to pay for law school.

- Three thought-provoking reasons not to blog anonymously if you're gonna blog at all.

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Come On, Collectibles only Ripen with Sponsorship!

CollectiblesToday.com is promoting these M&M-sponsored Ashton-Drake dolls as its top Christmas gift this year. Each six-inch "Heavenly Handful" (cringe) sports an M&M's onesie with a matching cap, complete with darling one-liners like "Never let 'em see you melt" and "Sweet on the inside." My favorite, though, has to be "There's a little nut."

Lest anyone try replacing a nearby child's Bratz doll too hastily, this ad takes pains to remind you the collection is to be "enjoyed by adult collectors" only. So keep your grubby paws off, kid; those non-blinking M&M's evangelists are staying behind the glass case, preferably in the living room.

V-v-v-via.

Because Those that Power Your TV Should Also Be Trusted to Power Your Pleasure

Philips -- the guys that probably sold you your first affordable TV and DVD player -- have entered the sex toy market with Intimate Massagers.

"For couples to explore and enhance their most intimate relationship together," the website says, in that way where they want you to think "dirty experimental sex!" while pretending to actually be referring to something you and your husband might have considered after deep thought and four intensive marital counseling sessions.

The ad at left (via) features two people in the throes of said responsible counseling activity. They appear to be composed of waves and heat. A banner on the website uses parts of this wave/heat illustration to describe how the ergy, rock-shaped massager will fill you with "feel-good" chemicals and boost your immune system.

Variations come in "intimate," "warm intimate" and "intimate dual" -- two massagers sitting inside an oyster shell. Looks like Lelo finally has a rival!

FLY PIZZA Works with the Munchies, Not Against It

In a stroke of genius, Italy's FLY PIZZA used packages of rolling paper as business cards to promote its night delivery service.

"The initiative was a total hit among FLY PIZZA's customers: they took home smoking paper packages and delivery phone calls increased sensibly," said Publicis/Milan, which hatched the idea after noticing that many FLY customers are young smokers that ostensibly roll cigarettes to "save money." (A cute way of saying the late-night fanbase is probably high off its rocker when the 2am orders start pouring in.)

Research in motion!

You Wouldn't Believe It, But This is An Ad for Rolling Paper

"The Fly in the Eye" follows in the tradition of old-school psychological horror cinema. Created by Cisma/Sao Paulo, it's the story of a man who, in his efforts to get rid of a fly, bends the constraints of reality and for some reason ends up with two irises in one socket.

Weird shit. The video concludes with "Always expect the unexpected!", followed by a link to BlackThinking.com.

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It's a Special Chair. A Special Sex Chair.

Came across this ad for the Tantra Chair earlier today. (NSFW, unless your boss is into artistic nudity.) Under the tagline "For the sensually sophisticated," the spot starts out with rave reviews and flashes dramatic imagery of a woman lying across the chair in sexually suggestive positions.

Neato. But where would one put a Tantra Chair -- between the recliner and the yoga ball? (It's not exactly a stashable copy of Joy of Sex.) I guess if worst came to worst, you could always wipe it down and tell the kids it's one of those newfangled video game chairs.

Red Tettemer Pits Light and Dark Meat Against Each Other

For Hatfield Quality Meats, Red Tettemer built a foosball table where sausage links take the place of soccer players.

The set-up brings a grill to mind, but unfortunately all the sausages are plastic. The game will be used at events and sponsorships.

Neat way to build engagement. Wondering whether it might compel stoned co-eds to try building their own foosball tables out of cocktail links and bamboo skewers. Will trawl YouTube regularly, just in case.