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'Can't' Has No Place in Ladies Lacrosse, Gentlemen. Longtime coach Barry Switzer invades the locker room of the St. Anne's Ladies Lacrosse team, which is more interested in campfires than in kicking some padded ass. Fast discouraged by the ladies' refusal to be pep-talked (which is something we practice in the mirror every morning while primping), he wanders off on a quest for a donut. Things We Like And Things We Don't - We like the new Miller Lite commercial with Sopranos start Frank Vincent but, it seems, Italian cause groups are all a flutter (twitter?) over the supposedly stereotypical portrayal of Italians in the commercial. - We don't like the "screaming" ad from Volkswagen. Not at all. Not one bit? Why? Because we know a little bit about being a dad and we've heard our fair share of screaming. We don't need a commercial to add to our stress level. - We like Southwest's new commercial which, in effect, holds its middle finger up to the recession and says, "fuck off." Yea, we like that dark sort of optimism. - We don't like Microsoft's new Bing commercial which, while it claims to reduce search result overload, piles on more overload than anyone should have to sit through inside of a minute. But that's typical Microsoft. Just like they're packaging on which every last conceivable speed, feed and spec visually assault you to the point you're like, "where's the Apple store?" Dissecting GM, Facebook Poetry, Playing God with Sims 3 - The Big Money conspiracy theorizes around GM's post-bankruptcy ad. - Self-affirming Facebook poetry. Face it though, no pun intended: if you're among the 50% of users spending over 20 minutes on average per day distributing pokes and Liking other people's surveys, you require no sagacious back-patting. You're all up in a self-made echo chamber, untouchable by prickly realities and ugly strangers. - iPhone Apps need to be buttressed by other forms of marketing. Also, they need to be useful. Seriously though, did you need AdAge to tell you that? (Say it with us: "Nooooo.") - 3D pop-up book music video. Can't imagine it? Just watch. - "We really felt like the ability to create human beings, to give them a soul, if you will, was really exciting," says an EA rep about The Sims 3. See the encapsulation of that vision. - Pop online SMB philosophy. Chiquita Smoothie Bejeweled Effectively Tanks Our Thursday Few things entice us as readily as a Bejeweled knockoff. We've lost whole days to this game; now, on account of Chiquita, we've lost our whole afternoon. This promotion for Chiquita Smoothies is a good way to not work -- plus, if you can fill the blender with aligned fruit well before time's up, you get entered (and re-entered!) into a sweepstakes to win a trip to Jamaica. (Where you can play iPhone Bejeweled, beachside, to tropical music.) Work by matrixx, which knows the secret to a good advergame: keep it simple, incentivize gamers; tap into something they're already obsessed with and know how to play. UPDATE: What the hell kind of advergame doesn't have a pause button. Are you trying to get us fired? iJustine Tells Us How to Eat A Carl's Jr. Burger Working with YouTube, Justine Ezarik (iJustine) created a video for Carl's Jr. in which she plays the duel role of Carl's Jr. employee and customer. She perfectly epitomizes the valley girl of yesteryear and, at the same time, the confused customer of today. Entitled How to Eat a Burger, the video - following the employee/customer exchange - tells us how to eat a burger iJustine style. Yea, she likes to eat her burger with a fork, knife and lots of ketchup. LOTS and LOTS of ketchup. Never quite understood that method but hey, to each their own. Michael Jordan Had a Guru. And that Guru's Cashing Out. "Michael Jordan was the greatest player EVAR! But even he needed inspiration." For MJ, inspiration apparently came in the form of Leroy Smith, who smushes basketballs with his bare hands and make man-on-man domination puns without breaking a sweat. Also, Get Your Basketball On RIGHT NOW and get his free motivational cookbook. Tissue Tree Bears Silky Relief to Spontaneous Sneezers In time for allergy season -- which not only stimulates sneezes but generates impromptu tear-duct leakage -- Kleenex erected a Tissue Tree, swathed in silk, no less, beside Sydney's Museum of Contemporary Art. The tree was inspired by the work of "wrapping" artist Christo and is wrapped in over a kilometer of silk. (See metric conversion here.) More importantly, it sports 700 generous tissue blossoms, which passersby can tug out at leisure. Clever way to promote Kleenex Silk Touch, whose wares are supposed to be even softer than the average snot receptacle. Greenpeace is gonna have a helluva good time tearing the lovely idea a new one, though. We can already hear the siren song: Turning your gauche synthetic wares into fake spins on the noble arbors that fell for your cause? You sick bastards! Beer! Babes! Bikinis! Nudity! Yup, It's Another Beer Site Just when we thought beer advertisers were cleaning up their act, Australia's Skinny Blonde gives us a six pack of...skinny blonds to play with. And by play with we mean, yes, undress then with a click of the mouse. Oh how the stereotypical beer drinker is so easily amused. Whopper Freakout Wins BK, CP+B a Grand Effie Last night at the Effies, Crispin Porter + Bogusky was recognized for "Whopper Freakout," the incendiary stunt work it did for Burger King in '07. "Burger King won the Grand Effie convincingly due to their boldness and creativity across multiple media platforms, delivering real cultural relevance and above all, outstanding business results," gushed Chairman Carl Johnson of the Effie Worldwide Board of Directors/Co-Founder, Anomaly. Industry Group Launches Mentor Program to Educate 'Next Generation' The Internet Oldtimers Foundation has established the Andy Bourland Internet Oldtimers Mentorship Program, in memory of Mr. Bourland's dedication and legacy as Co-founder and former CEO of Clickz. Andy, who I knew personally and worked with when I was involved with MarketingVOX, opened the doors for many to be able togiving them the opportunity to succeed in the interactive marketing industry as responsible, accountable, and successful business people. 
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