'Free the Bowl' Contest Aims to Eradicate Super Bowl Beer Ads

"I'm drunk as hell and I'm not going to take it any longer!" Or something like that. One imagines that's the sentiment behind an new effort from alcohol industry watch dog Marin Institute called Free the Bowl. In response to what it calls "oppressive beer ads," Free the Bowl is a contest for 13 to 20 year olds which asks for the submission of videos aimed at asking brewers to stop advertising (wasting mony?) in the Super Bowl.

*old school sound of needle sliding off the record*

Um, say what???! Like that's got a snowball's chance in he...wait...isn't there a better metaphor for this? Hmm. That's as likely as an SUV getting manufactured in January. Oh wait. That's got as much of a chance of the U.S. government EVAR paying off its deficit. Hmm. That's as likely as Janet Jackson ever appearing in another Super Bowl half time show. Uh. That's as likely as George Parker not saying fuck for an entire day. That's as likely as an ad blogger never again using Donny Deutsch's Speedo picture. That's as likely as no one in the ad industry getting laid off in January. That's as likely as Advertising Age ever letting Steve Hall write for them. OK, this is getting boring.

Explaining the program, Marin Institute Executive Director Bruce Livingston said, "Year after year, the Super Bowl delivers a huge youth TV audience to America's biggest beer seller, Anheuser-Busch. Sound research and common sense tell us that the more often youth are exposed to alcohol advertising, the more likely they are to drink and drink to excess. Marin Institute is excited to give youth a new channel to protest oppressive beer ads at www.FreetheBowl.com."

Citing research which estimates 10.7 million underage youth drink alcohol, 7.2 million binge drink and 80 percent choose beer as their drink of choice, Marin Institute would prefer the Super Bowl be an alcohol-free event.

With steam seemingly exploding out of his ears, Marin Institute Michael Scippa added, "Anheuser-Busch and the NFL hide behind weak, ineffectual Beer Institute self-regulatory guidelines to justify exposing youth to exploitive alcohol ads. Big alcohol turns a deaf ear to our protests, so we want them to hear compelling messages from young people who resent being targeted as new customers."

Hmm. Young people who resent being sold beer? That's as likely as...sorry...that one's played out. Seems most kids would grab a beer as often as they could given the chance.

Granted advertising creates desires, needs and wants. Granted, beer should not be advertised to kids. But until we have truly absolute, 100 percent accurately targetable and measurable one to one media which can guarantee, with zero percent waste, flawlessly perfect message delivery, we're just going to have to rely on that novel but waning practice of parenthood to help kids navigate their way through life...and a sea of beer commercials during the Super Bowl