Newsflash! Marketers Must Learn Digital Marketing! Ad Age Says So!

What? You've got to be kidding. What year is it? Oh, it must be 1992 or something because it's that Total Quality Management verbal diarrhea management consultancy crap all over again. After reading this Advertising Age article penned by a couple of Booz Allen dudes, I'm wondering if the two authors found an old IBM PC in the storage closet, booted it up and found this very same article on it which, itself, was probably a 64th generation copy of the same management blather that's been spewed forth over and over for years offering absolutely nothing of value other than the invention of a few new buzz words each go 'round.

Seems all the authors did this time was swap out the words "personal computer revolution" for "digital" and send it in to Jonah. Oh wait, they did a study? Well, that explains it all. Studies that confirm the obvious are the bread and butter of companies like Booz Allen. Without them, we'd have to actually think for ourselves.

"People, process and organization: These must change." Are you fucking serious? This has to be a joke. Is it April Fool's Day yet? Did this article publish a day early by mistake? Are the authors seriously telling us this blather is some kind of earth shattering watershed moment? A Gladwell-style tipping point of massive proportion? Some killer paradigm shift?

Check out this gem of wisdom: "People are the first place to start. The new marketing [Ed. uh...The Iraq?] uses data to select and integrate a wider range of tools more precisely to smaller groups of consumers. It places a premium on the ability to access, integrate, analyze and apply data. That means recruiting people with data-analysis skills."

Well holy fucking shit! Christ on a Cracker! That's some revolutionary shit, people! Time for all of Madison Avenue to hit the "corporate retreat" circuit, spend some time in a sweat lodge, hug it out with Ari, have a company-wide communal circle jerk. I mean damn, this...changes...everything!

Just think. Management will actually have to embrace digital marketing. People will actually have to learn digital marketing skills, a "progressive culture" will have to be cultivated within marketing organizations. And OMFG...products will actually have to incorporate consumer insight. You mean brands and marketers will have to give a shit? Now that is a change. Maybe this study was worth it after all.