New Pill Makes Everyone A Social Media Guru

Want to become an experts in social media? Are you curious how all those social media gurus came to be? Do you wonder how these experts can prattle on endlessly about joining the conversation over and over at conferences which seemingly take place every day in every city across the globe?

Wonder no more! The answer is here. Social Media Pills. Pop a few of these and you, too, will be able to hop on the social media bandwagon and start spewing jargon in 140 character bursts. You'll retweet in your sleep. You'll update hundreds of brand's Facebook statuses in one gesture. You will join the throngs of other social media gurus as they make their annual pilgrimage to the city formerly known as Austin, Texas where a conference called SXSW used to be held.

Now known as CNN City, you'll gather at the Foursquare Convention Center where you and a Quora of your Instagram followers will raise your iPhones in worship of the greatest Social Saint of them all, Markus Zuckerbergus.

And at the Solis Senter of Broganomics, you will hoot your Empire Avenue stats in unison while candles flickr and the entire gathering is LiveShared and discussed in one gigantic GroupMe thread while TextPlus looks on wishing it were part of the party instead of being perpetually stuck in middle school.

Yes, people. The time is right. The time is now. Pop a few Social Media Pills and you'll Kik your sad life goodbye and chant "HeyTell! HeyTell! HeyTell!" at the top of your lungs until you break for some Beluga caviar and Yobongo Bites before you head out to the Hashable Mashable party where Cashable will pose with the angelic Babe of Bettany who, if you're good, will knight your iPhone worthy of downloading Camera+.