'Local Porno Buyer Jim Scott Has Been Taken Hostage. Along with His Pornography.'

This shit's over-the-top, but we got one or two dry giggles out of it.

It's embarrassing enough to get called out for mumbling your porno mag of choice to an old Asian cashier with no sense of empathy, but then your high school crush shows up -- and the cashier starts offering you self-pleasure freebies, too?

Things only worsen from there, Judd Apatow-style. Think hostage situation, daytime TV, publicly humiliated mother, the whole nine: in other words, a morality tale parents tell their starch-collar boys when they're young, to keep them from wanting to touch their wees.

The 2:15 online video is a Bud Light effort that started doing the rounds in February. We didn't really get the porn connection, but then we read this Time article about how it might make sense to alienate some people if it also means slapping another wet high-five with core customers.

Also, we learned a new expression: "porn creep," which denotes how pornography is now so common it's no longer really stigmatized among educated classy folks like us.

But however many faintly Cloroxy-smelling college bed-head sporters we know, we remain hard-pressed to find any that would pick Bud Light over an ice-cold Fat Tire or (and can we just say ugh?) Pabst. Everyone seems to dig the living crap out of the ads though.