Think the Marines Are Hot? Go to War with Ukraine

We knew a guy who got drafted into the Ukrainian military. As the day of his departure drew closer, he turned into a person we hardly knew and who sort of freaked us out. Finally he confessed he was dodging the draft and leaving for London.

"But why?" we said.

"Ukrainian military makes people disappear," he hissed, looking all wild-eyed.

Having just seen this ad for the Ukrainian Army, we have serious doubts about that and resent that he lied to us. Ukraine's first line of defense turns ordinary folk into dangerously charismatic mofos, capable of seducing women of varying hairstyles away from men with BMWs. Said women will shower you with alabaster jugs of vodka and chase your tanks while making marriage contract innuendos. (Now you know why Tony Stewart picks the Russian chicks.)

You will also get a really vivid hat.

See the spot's full translation at Lobalized, which was kind enough to cherry-pick the best line in it: "Daytime at work, and at night in the clubs!"

Also see this picture we found of ladies of the Ukrainian military (via). They look like little Gossip Girl refugees, rescued from a life of social vapidity by the stalwart -- and disturbingly ageless -- Yulia Tymoshenko.