Coco Gets Quiet with Karl Lagerfeld

Tomorrow Chanel.com debuts Coco Avant Chanel, a 10-minute silent film celebrating the legend of Mademoiselle Coco -- pre-dating her existence as a brand demi-god.

The film was directed by Karl Lagerfeld, the only person alive who can make a safety vest look chic. Leaving us to salivate with nary but film stills and a trailer so pitch-perfect it makes smoking sexy again, Lagerfeld haughtily confided his distaste of movie extras.

"They don't know how to touch the clothes," he whispered coolly before toasting us* -- an action that made chills travel from glass to torso.

Keira Knightley -- so cute! as Coco in a more contemporary exploration of Chanel's apartment -- was overlooked cette fois in favour of Lithuanian model Edita Vilkeviciute. (Nationality, and lack of ties to the Disney franchise, makes her a kind of Keira upgrade.) Chanel's love interest and other characters are played by Lagerfeld's bodyguard and various other coterie innies.

Can't wait to see the movie; we are utterly seduced by the chill hauteur and blurry glamour. All this for Chanel's period-inspired Paris-Moscow collection, to which we'd gladly surrender our wages.

Well ... no. But given the opportunity, we'd hoard fabric samples and price-slashed hats like soccer moms soaked in tryptophan.

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* That didn't actually happen.