Dear HSBC: Cinematic Scope Doesn't Compensate for Bad Service

This is HSBC's "Lumberjack" by JWT/London/NYC and production company Gorgeous. At first watch it's like Swiss Family Robinson meets Lord of the Flies, except everybody's grown up and cops ruin all the fun.

I had to watch it a second time to absorb the plotline. Here's how it plays out:

You've got a husband and wife. Hubby's a lumberjack, wife's an activist. The latter joins a bunch of people that think living in trees will actually stop companies from razing them to the ground. (Awwww.) As is typical in these situations, the cops come and arrest everybody.

The lumberjack husband steps gingerly toward into the forest with his chainsaw, at which point his wife shouts at him. That's where you first get the sense there's a love story behind this whole tree-saving thing.

Hubby bails her out of jail. Still incensed, Activist Wife walks past him, straps on her helmet and gets on the back of his motorcycle. He hops on, starts driving, and she slowly she reaches over -- dangerous maneuver! -- to wrap her arms around his waist. Aww. Love conquers all.

You then wonder: whose fucking ad is this? Cut to tagline: "We recognize how people value things differently. So what we learn from one customer helps us better serve another." Then there's the HSBC logo, perched next to a mosaic shaped like a map of the world.

Seems like a whole lotta cheese to compensate for lack of a value proposition. Because if this ad's telling the truth, then what HSBC's learned about me is that I love getting my calls outsourced to India and dealing with apathetic tellers. I've got nothing against outsourcing, but an overseas CSR doesn't really have much incentive to help you, particularly if your request is time-consuming.

And if the tellers don't care about you either? Pray nothing ever goes wrong, because you're screwed TWICE over.

Nice try, JWT, but the product's poor.