April Fools Around the 'Net: From Handhelds to Email, Everybody Wants to Fuck with You

- Qualcomm announced the Handsolo today. It's waterproof, battery-free and has unlimited expandable memory. Also, you can wank off with it.

- Gmail Custom Time, which lets users send up to 10 emails to the past per year, debuted today. Wouldn't it be neat to get a drunken rant from Future You?

- Seriously, you should get paid to whore for friends on Facebook. Because come on. Two thousand friends? That's a few dozen impressions at least.

- It's AdSense for conversations!

- The US Federal Court has declared email bankruptcy illegal. Meaning all email in your inbox -- EVERY LAST ONE -- must be responded to in a timely manner. And don't even think about pushing that delete button, punk.

- If you can't beat Google, just pay people not to use it.

- FNMA will 100% finance Stated Income/Stated Asset loans up to $729,000. First-time buyer? There's love left in this funny-money treasury for you too.

- Activists are trying to rename April 1st "Fossil Fools Day." (Seriously.)