Stephen Colbert Gets Kidnapped!

What started as an innocent Youtube lookalike contest has escalated to a hostage situation. Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report has been taken - to wild and crazy Canada! Read hostage letter and blog, which lists various against-my-will! atrocities being committed against Colbert at this very moment. These include getting eaten by the Oshawa General and meeting the mayor. Those Canadians don't mess around - Stockholm Syndrome, here he comes.

Release can be arranged if somebody grants his captors the rights to produce a legit Stephen Colbert Action Figure. We are fervently pro-action figure and would love it if all our media friends could stare encouragingly down at us with frozen smiles (kind of like in real life) from a way-high-up shelf over our desk.

Thank the creeptacular toy-loving folk at Happy Worker, and now let us take hands and pray.