Skid Marks Keep Valuables Safe From Thieves
Here's a little game. Adrants reader John Brock sent us a link to a story about a product called Brief Safe. It's a way to hide valuable in plain site but deter anyone and everyone from going near them. what is it? It's a pair of underwear with a hidden pocket and...yes...disgusting skid marks on the back. Just hang these babies anywhere and you're guaranteed no one will go near them.
John wonders how a product like this would be marketed so let's have fun. How would you do it? What would you do? Tells us in comments and we'll publish the best answer right here on the front page.
Comments
Protect the family jewels... AND the family jewels!
Skid Mark Skivvies ... Keeps your crap safe!
Why not on toilet paper? Everyone else is doing it.
We'll even add a twist: pre-skidded toilet paper. That'll draw some attention. It's even nice and violating.
The Crappiest Safe. And The Best.
I would hire the Underwear Cowboy in NYC to promote the product. He's a cultural icon that people flock to see, and he'd be cheap! Every time someone gives him a buck, he could shove it in the secret pocket. Throw up a sign next to him promoting Brief Safe, video tape a segment, post it on YouTube and you have an effective and cheap marketing campaign.
Tagline: "Keep Your Hands Off My Shit"
BriefSafe - Cover your ass with ass.
Shitty butt effective.
- leave them on windshields, in the street, under bridges. (Jk. No way ATF mistakes them for bombs). People may not pick up dirty underwear, but they would for a buck. Even pay squeegee guys to clean windows with them, then wrap them around the wiper when done.
- Second the notion. Have the Naked Cowboy walk around in a pair.
- Designer auction series: Prince's could be paisley or purple for next year's halftime show. Oprah/Bono edition would be Red. (Whoa, too far, better stick with Purple.)
- Dump a bunch of them in the parking lot at Clorox.
Well, the ads for this would sure have to start off with a good brief.
Use public restroom advertising space (airports, etc.) to share the message "Put thieves on the SKIDS, and WIPE out crime...". The only weak link in this armour is that it would be ineffective in warding off turd burglars...
Any campaign would also have to undergo a thorough debriefing to measure effectiveness after it runs.
Skid mark your territory.
or
More crap. Less worries.
just an improvement on Tom's version:
The best safe is the crappiest safe.
SHARTS - Shorts Hiding A Really Tiny Safe
An all natural theft deterrant to keep your money safely hidden and completely untouched, by using the 'art' of shart!
Brief Safe: Apply Directly to the Forehead.
Shit happens. But it doesn't have to happen to you.
Afraid of getting swiped? Leave a wipe.
Leave it up to the Naked Cowboy. I hear he's always looking for new marketing opportunities in his quest to, as he puts it, be the "wealthiest man this world has ever seen". He's already got the underwear part covered, and he is making $1000 bucks per gig. Where does he put it? There doesnt seem to be room for a wallet in those tighty whities????
VO: Brown is the new black....or is it green?
You probably already have a pair of these in your drawer...but they don't have secret pocket.
Evidence that we all have to polish turds to please our clients.
Visual: Show a hundred dollar bill with a Dirty Sanchez on Benjamin.
Tag: Diguise your money.
(It works even better with international currencies. Picture the queen with a nice, big brown stash.)
BriefSafe: Keeps any intruder, thief or woman, away from your precious goods.
Side note: SNL "Oops I crapped my pants."