How to Make the Most of a Messy Dispute

Not at all advertising related, but as you may have heard, there is a janitor strike going on in the city of Boston. The seriousness of it all aside, there is always great humor in these sort of things:

How to make the most of a messy dispute

Janitors all over Boston took to the picket lines last night; today, trash cans from the World Trade Center to International Place will be overflowing with damp Starbucks cups, Burger King wrappers, and, yes, wadded copies of this very newspaper. Chances are, it's going to get worse. When the Service Employees International Union went on strike in other cities, the standoff lasted more than two weeks. That, friends, is a lot of office memos. Herewith, a few tips on how you and your fellow cubicle dwellers can weather the strike:

1. For your big presentation, skip the Power Point. Map out your firm's new fiscal strategy on crumpled paper towels scavenged from the men's room. Your boss will know you're serious about cost-cutting, and you'll clear a path to the urinals.

2. Celebrate Bring-a-Hefty-Bag-to-Work Day!

3. What to do when the copy machine runs out of toner, printing dozens of illegible reports five minutes before your meeting? Shred the offending sheaf and stuff it into the walls of your home. Insulation has never been so affordable!

4. Two words: No sushi. Three more words: At your desk.

5. Executive washroom out of toilet paper? Duh! What do you think that pile of junk mail is for?

6. Divvy up chores with fellow employees. Monday, vacuum. Tuesday, water plants. Wednesday, tamp down Dumpster to make room for another ton of trash. Hey, it worked in college.

7. Swiffer WetJet: great for bathroom floors, lousy on computer screens.

8. Make friends with the mice that scurry around your office late at night. You're going to be seeing a lot more of them.

9. Use this as an opportunity to clear out your cubicle. Cleaning contractors may bring in replacement workers during the strike; it's only a matter of time before one of them mistakes that 6 -inch stack of coffee-stained papers on the floor next to your computer (also known as the new budget report) for garbage.

10. Make like the French and drench yourself in cologne. It really overpowers the smell of rotting food-court leftovers!

--------