New Business Calls

Now, that's the very highbrow way of classifiying what is really known as telemarketing. (Yea, yea, you new business types...I do actually create some value-added unsolicited proposal from time to time) As I wake up and stare at my list of 50 companies I need to follow up one today after having sent out the world's greatest direct mail piece, the excitement sets in: "Hello Bill, this is Steve from X company following up on the brochure we sent you last week that I am sure you just tossed in the trash with all the other pontificating crap you get in the mail everyday from the likes of us. Can we come in and meet?"

OK, well, it's not exactly like that.

Some of the reponses I get are truly enlightening. After calling the president of a high tech start up, I get this:

"I don't accept telemarketing calls!" And I'm thinking as I hear this, "Well then why the hell did your assistent actually pas the call on to you then??"

So I try in my best soft sell voice, "Sir, this is not a telemarketing call, I am simply following up on some information I sent to you last week on our firm.", all while trying to convince myself that my call is something higher and more worthy then the freakin auto-bot credit card messages you get at dinner time.

He finishes by putting me in my place: "That IS telemarketing!" click.

And, as I listen to the dial tone, the voice in my head says, "You fuckin asshole!" But the voice also says, "you are fuckin right, I telemarketed your ass"

Now I know what it's like for the lowly telemarketer when I hang up on those auto dialer bots or click off on some poor sucker trying to read a script when they haven't even come close to mastering the English language.

Isn't it fun to get them off-script. To get them to say anything other then the boring lame ass inhuman copy that they have in front of them? They can't fuckin think beyonfd that piece of paper....I love it.

Anyway, time to go do some "high-brow" stuff like craft the "brand essence and positioning" for some other small company who has no idea of the value of a brand or the effort and time it takes to build one.
--------