In an attempt to stay relevant post-Jared, Subway unveils Fresh Buzz, which houses a bunch of marginal stars that could use a sex tape career boost, and something called the fit evolution.
A diagram suggests that after discovering french fries and cheeseburgers man got progressively fatter and fatter until discovering Subway Fresh Fit.
We’re doubting the veracity of that claim because a recent rerun of South Park not-so-quietly divulges that Jared didn’t just get skinny with sandwiches, he got skinny with aides. Fitness aides, that is. Does the fit evolution come with aides? No? Then sorry, Subway. Until the day you can give us the aides we need to get fit like Jared alongside your sandwiches, you’re just another chain telling sweet lies.
