Shut Up, Stick Out Your Tits and Drool!

jessica_simpson_stampede_light.jpg

Photographer: Jessica, can you unsnap one more button for me?
Jessica: Like this?
P: Yea. Now put your left hand on the bale of hay…
J: What’s a bale of hay?
P: Uh…it’s that rectangular, straw-like thing…
J: Rectang…oh…like that square thing?
P: No, the rec…never mind. Yea, the square thing.
J: Like this?
P: Yea. Now lean left, sit up straight and stick your chest out.
J: You want to see my boobs?
P: Well, yes….uh…sorry…I mean no. I mean I…yea…no…just some cleavage.
J: Is this good?
P: Just a little bit more?
J: But the next button might pop open..wouldn’t that be too much boob?
P: Girl, there’s no such thing as too much boob…except this is an ad…not a Playboy shoot.
J: They’re 34D, you know

P: Um, yes. We all know. Your father made that quite clear a while back
J: Hehe…he’s weird like that
P: OK, now stare right at the lens..
J: The what?
P: Then lens…the camera!
J: Oh, the camera…sorry…OK. Like this?
P: Yea…now open your mouth a bit
J: …ike…his…
P: and yea…now pretend you’re about to fall asleep
J: You want me to fall asleep?
P: Not actually…just pretend
J: Um…how do I do that?
P: Just sort of close your eyes a bit…but not all the way…
J: Like this?
P: Yea. Now…Ooops…keep sticking out your chest.
J: Hehe…you like my boobs, don’t you? I can tell.
P: Um. Hmm…let’s just keep working…
J: But I can see…
P: Jessica….
J: Hehe…ok…sorry…stick my boobs out?
P: Yes
J: Like this?
P: Yes
J: Can you see enough of my boobs”
P: Yes, Jessica. Perfect. Now the look…
J: The look?
P: Jessica!
J: Oh right. Sorry. The falling asleep look. But what about the mouth?
P: OK, think of it like this. Ever see a baby sort of stare into space and drool?
J: Ew…yes.
P: Do that.
J: Huh?
P: Imagine you are a baby drooling.
J: Gross!
P: Believe me, the look will be great
J: But babies don’t have boobs!
P: Well you do, girl. Big ones…according to your father. Now shut up, stick your tits out and drool!

Picture of Steve Hall

Steve Hall

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