Come on. You know you can remember it. You were in high school and your boyfriend or girlfriend was on the way over to visit and the anticipation was killing you. Killing you! Your heart was pounding. Chills were running through your body from head to toe. You couldn’t wait to see her/him when you opened the door. And when you did, a gush of warmth filled your body and you smiled a big smile. And then…you couldn’t wait to tell your mother you were “just going down to the basement to watch some TV” so you could….go down the basement, each tear your clothes off the other and embrace with an urgency words can never describe.
And you felt fully confident you’d be just fine if Mom decided to open the basement door, walk down the stairs and make sure you weren’t doing anything you weren’t supposed to be doing because…because you’d both practiced dressing and undressing in front of the mirror until you got your time down to 18 seconds, the time it would probably take for Mom to get off the couch, walk across the floor, open the basement door and begin to walk down the stairs…at which time the two of you would be sitting on the couch fully dressed doing just what you said you’d be doing: watching TV. All thanks to JC Penny.
Because for J.C. Penney, Every Day Matters. And “Today’s the day to get away with it.”
A brand, with help from Saatchi & Saatchi New York, endorsing teenage sexual foolery? What, pray tell, will parents say to this?
Smart ones will shock the shit out of their kids by nonchalantly asking, without getting up off the couch, “Need a condom?”
