Britney Unimpressively Dents Car with Umbrella

britney_umbrella.jpg

We’d elaborate but really, it’s exactly what it sounds like. And normally we’d launch into some kind of diatribe about how tailoring Brand You is a life work (does Mr. Peanut go nutty? Does the Green Giant yell ‘enough is enough’?) but something about Britney’s bald enraged head discourages us.

“I think she’s going to commit suicide soon,” whispers a scandalized intern nearby. “Oh my God – I’m so sad.” He bites his fist to repress his laughter. We stared at him awhile longer and realized this is probably the way most of her former fans are reacting. She’s dropped long and hard from the Toxic days.

We wouldn’t be surprised if some maverick company decided to rescue the Spears (a la Virgin’s Kate Moss swoop post-scandal) and make her a freak poster child. It would certainly draw attention. Look at all the attention going to waste that she’s generating now.

Picture of Steve Hall

Steve Hall

RECENT ARTICLES

TRENDING AROUND THE WEB

8 personality traits of people who are alone often but rarely feel lonely

8 personality traits of people who are alone often but rarely feel lonely

Global English Editing

If you were criticized for these 7 things as a child, you were raised by people who weren’t emotionally ready to be parents

If you were criticized for these 7 things as a child, you were raised by people who weren’t emotionally ready to be parents

Global English Editing

7 unspoken strengths of people who’ve faced financial hardship and bounced back

7 unspoken strengths of people who’ve faced financial hardship and bounced back

Global English Editing

People who sleep beside their dogs at night usually display these 7 traits, according to psychology

People who sleep beside their dogs at night usually display these 7 traits, according to psychology

Global English Editing

People who “don’t like birthdays” usually carry these 6 under-acknowledged emotional wounds

People who “don’t like birthdays” usually carry these 6 under-acknowledged emotional wounds

Global English Editing

If you always sleep on the same side of the bed—even when alone—you likely have these 7 personality traits

If you always sleep on the same side of the bed—even when alone—you likely have these 7 personality traits

Global English Editing