For those too junior or broke to go to Cannes this year, there was Wrath of Cannes in the “East Riviera,”* where advertising’s overlooked enter work to win a trophy they can’t actually take home. (It gets recycled for next year.)
This year’s winner was ex-associate AD Alan Kwon of RTCRM (now freelancing). He entered a tear-out coupon for Crunch Gym, printed on Tyvek, which means the material was virtually untearable.
Copy reads, “Tear out this coupon and win a two week membership for FREE!” You can probably guess the pitch from there: “Couldn’t quite do it? Don’t fret. You can be stronger, and we’ll show you how. Bring in this advertisement to any Crunch location and you will still get a free two week trial.”
Kwon had his name added to the now-iconic Grand Coney, at left, and also won a free IRO bicycle. That’s him at left, kissing the trophy — which is of a man with his head up his ass, an apt metaphor for advertising no matter where you’re standing.
This year also marked the first-ever inclusion of a Gigless category. Exclusively for unemployed creatives, the designation saw no winners and only one honorable mention was given. Go figgs.
“The headline here is the Juniors shamed the holy crap out of the Gigless, pushed their face in mud and spit on their backs,” proclaimed the grand Harry Woods of Woods Witt Dealy & Sons, the minds behind Wrath of Cannes.
“A truly poop the bed performance. No award given [for Gigless] this year. Perhaps there’s a reason they’re unemployed.”
Bananas. Cannes may have taken our dignity, but Wrath of Cannes will always have our hearts. See last year’s shenanigans.
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*That’s sexy talk for East River Bar, Williamsburg.
